>>55632230sorry. a long, absolutely unhinged and autistic rant ahead
i adore some, i want to hug them, pull their cheeks, tease them, fuck them etc. but i don't know if that's love. i've never fallen in love irl, so i have no reference, but i can sorta emphasize with it. i feel the same for a LOT of anime characters so i doubt it's love, probably just sexual attraction.
but it's nice thinking up scenarios with characters i make in my mind (some of which i self insert as, some of which i make because i think it's a cool concept for a character and i need some other people for my self insert(s) to interact with) where "i" also date chuubas/anime girls like a schizophrenic. this is the primary thing that keeps me occupied from getting bored during the day. i even made an imaginary vtuber group/corpo which consists these characters i created. it all started as a self insert way to interact with chuubas i like but it has gone far beyond that. now all of those characters (13 of them) have specific game tastes, views on certain issues, different strengths and weaknesses as idols, streamers, and as people, different philosophies on life and so on. i made different major collab ideas like 24 hour multiplayer paradox game streams with constant scheming or a 4chan cup style tournament with customizable player models (which reference the in jokes and memes i made for these vtubers) with one of them (the previous victor of the cup) commentating the entire thing, i'm thinking of entire synchronized dance sequences while listening to idol songs i come across online and i imagine these imaginary chuubas doing those dances on a virtual stage. i then made an entire 18 episode anime with a SoL spinoff and a huge elden ring-like game starring them, entire scenes, plot developments/twists, artistic design, a huge world map, gameplay mechanics, hololive collab dlc and such in great detail in my schizophrenic mind. all of this barely scratches the surface of the imaginary world i have created. what started out as a way for me to self insert and interact with chuubas i liked has evolved into something far beyond my control.
i'm quite mentally stable other than this, but sometimes the disconnect from reality is too real, and that scares me. i have fallen more in love with my own creations than i have with chuubas, or actual women irl. what have i done, anons?
