If anyone reads through all of this, I'm sorry, it is admittedly a traumadump in itself, however, it's past stuff and I'm in a far better place, I just switched the timeline a bit.
Sorry if it's painful.
>Another day passes
>Another night begins
>You're on the couch watching T.V
>Your eyelids are heavy
>Before you fall asleep, you switch the T.V off
>The next day arrives.
>And then it passes
>Another night begins once more
>But what did you do today?
>It doesn't matter, it hasn't mattered for a long time
>A constant cycle of monotony, a constant cycle of repetition
>You walk through all the motions of life
>You get up, you go to work, you waste the hours away, then you come home
>Your own home is no longer a place for you to relax
>Your own home is just one corner of a bigger cage
>The bars to your cage have long rusted
>However, no matter what happens to you, they never break
>You doze off at around 10pm
>But tonight is different, it's more chilling, you feel it deep in your bones, to the very depths of who you are
>"Ah, maybe this is where I've had enough." This thought crosses your mind.
>Suddenly, you wake up. Was that a dream? Was that a premonition?
>The clock says 3 am
>You get up in the mirror, all you see is an empty shell
>"How foolish I am to have dreams." You tell yourself with a smile, however that smile had no warmth in it
>You pick up a razor and slam it into the mirror
>"What else is left? What even is my cause anymore?"
>Tears begin to stream down your cheeks, your vision is a blur, your emotions are in a frenzy, your breathing is unstable.
>Eventually you wipe your tears away and go to sleep
>The next day passes
>The next night arrives
>You're sitting on the couch once more.
>Your mind only has one thing in mind
>"If I were to take that one step, would I feel at peace?"
>You get up and head to your PC
>You begin to write your feelings one last time, each thought painful, each memory one that would rather be forgetten
>However, despite all the pain and misery, you write anyway, you write your most important memories, your feelings up to this point, while wondering "Who's even going to read this crap?"
>Then you save the document
>You head on to YouTube, maybe some final fitting music would help you
>However, something's different, you notice something that wasn't there before
>"Shiori Novella", you mutter the name to yourself and you click on it, it's a VTuber.
>She's streaming at this very moment
>You think to yourself while listening. "I wonder, if I were to die, would I be reborn as somebody new? Could I make up for all my failures in life?"
>As you ponder these dreaded thoughts, you hear something that you haven't heard in the longest time
>Encouragement
>Your eyes jolt wide open, you start to believe you've gone insane, who or what could possibly encourage you in this moment?
>And that's when you remember.
>Shiori is streaming, and right now she's speaking to her viewers
>You're a part of those viewers, so she's also speaking to you, of course it isn't anything personal, but you feel involved
>"Please take care of yourselves, I want you guys to be happy, ok? Take care of yourselves better than I take care of myself."
>For the first time, someone has finally said something that touched at your tortured self
>Your thoughts are withheld. All that torture you felt just moments ago suddenly, lifted.
>You think to yourself "It's a fluke, tomorrow I'll be back where I started."
>You truly believe that you're trapped in this cage called "Life."
>The next day passes
>The next night arrives
>You're back on your PC
>Shiori's stream has started again
>You begin to listen
>She is once again encouraging others
>"I hope you guys get that exercise, eat well, be healthy!"
>Slowly, you feel like the bars to your cage are starting to break open
>"I want to see your smiles guys!"
>It hits you
>It hits you fucking hard
>So hard that you feel shellshocked
>You get up and head to the bathroom
>You wash your face, thinking it's a fever dream, that it isn't real
>You look up at the cracked mirror, and see it
>A smile, but this one is different than the last
>This smile, it's warm.
>You gently touch your cheeks, unable to comprehend this feeling
>"Is this.."
>You don't say the last word, but you think it
>It rings itself in your head repeatedly
>Tears start to stream down your face again, harder than before
>It's an uglier sob than before, but at the same time it feels so relieving
>Your heart is beating in your chest, faster than it ever has before
>For the first time since the very beginning, the fear of death has been instilled in you
>But the reason you're so afraid isn't because you think it will hurt
>For the very first time, you actually want to live, so you cry
>You cry, and cry, and cry, your head hurts, your eyes hurt, but for the first time in the longest time
>Your cage has been opened, all thanks to a girl that offered you words of encouragement, and instilled in you a desire to live with a smile.
