I don't know how long it took me to realize that my anger was misplaced. It wasn't Gura who had changed, but rather myself. When Gura first started streaming, I found her enchanting because of her quirky personality and cute appearance. But as time went on, I became more invested in her streams, not just emotionally, but financially as well. I started spending money on gifts and donations, hoping that they would make her happy or encourage her to continue streaming. And when other girls joined Hololive, I began to feel possessive of Gura, like she belonged only to me.
As my obsession grew, so did my expectations of Gura. I wanted her to be perfect, to never make mistakes or experience negative emotions. I expected her to prioritize me above everything else, to acknowledge my existence whenever I spoke or sent a message. In short, I wanted her to be an idealized version of herself, tailored specifically to suit my desires.
But Gura couldn't fulfill these unrealistic demands. She was still human after all, with her own thoughts, feelings, and limitations. She didn't owe me anything beyond providing entertainment through her streams. Yet there I was, holding onto resentment and frustration because she hadn't met my impossible standards.
Eventually, I realized that my anger was pointless. Gura was going to do whatever she wanted with her life, regardless of how I felt about it. If she chose to ignore me or focus on other aspects of her job besides interacting with fans, then that was her prerogative. As much as it hurt, I needed to accept reality and let go of my entitled expectations.
So here I am now, watching Gura play Monster Hunter while trying to enjoy her company without expecting anything in return. It's not easy, but I'm working on it. Maybe one day I'll be able to fully appreciate her for who she is, instead of who I want her to be. Until then, I'll keep supporting her from afar, cheering her on as she continues to grow and evolve as both an entertainer and a person.
tl;dr: My obsessive love for Gura led me to have unreasonable expectations of her behavior, which resulted in resentment and anger when she didn't meet those expectations. Eventually, I came to terms with reality and learned to support Gura without demanding anything from her.
