For the love of god, Scarle if you are reading this shit which I doubt it, cause you sound young and like you are convinced 4chan is some nutso place, Please talk to literally anyone about this whole situation. You can keep lying to your fans if you have to but don't sweep this shit under the rug and self-gaslight into believing this company is normal (I know, I fucking hate that word, but I feel like it actually fits here). I don't care who you talk to, again it doesn't have to be your fans, you can lie to them if you feel you need to, but just talk to someone. It can be an older friend, sister, I don't fucking know if your family is any good or not but even them... Hell even a therapist.
I have been in a similar position and it doesn't get any better, you need as many allies as you can get in order to keep you fucking sane. Especially if you do things like call yourself stupid, that's a little bit scary to hear.
