I need to get this off my chest someway or another so I will just dump my shit here.
I am a straightbro who loves tempus and I wanted (and still am) to join starsEN because I want to play with the boys so hard. I’ve been watching them since debut and I feel that I developed a friendly parasocial relationship with them, I actually genuinely do believe them to be my long time friends. I am literally an incel irl, more incel than any incel here, I don’t even have anyone to call a friend. And I thought friendship was overrated anyway until I met tempus.
The problem is: the fans (especially the femanons). Being fawned upon multitude of girls is every man’s dream, and I am not an exception. The problem isn’t with the normal female fans, it is with the fujos. I DONT want to have a porn of me with another guy, the thought alone revolted me.
But no matter, as long as I exude alpha masculinity, I at least wouldn’t be the one receiving the dick in art, I can imagine the one getting dicked by me to be a girl no problem.
If you’ve been in /MANS/ for a long time, you may have already guessed the problem; The sisters don’t care how manly you are, they for some unholy reason love to draw porn of every fucking tempus member getting dicked down by Altare (which I didn’t understand since he is the most feminine guy). No matter if you don’t interact with him, there will be porn of you getting a Altare’s dick in your ass if you joined tempus.
And I didn’t want that, I thought that I will legit hate that part of my fan base if I saw a fanart of that. And I know that any streamer that hate his fans becomes bad himself. But I can’t control my feelings of disgust, especially since Altare is my least favorite member.
But I still wanted to be in tempus no matter what. So I needed to understand my fears. I started watching Altare’s streams the most, studying them so I can understand why the sisters like him on top and copy his tactic to my advantage. If even I were to be shipped with Altare, if at least no one like any portrayal of me unless if I to top I would have won.
Still I didn’t understand that much from watching his streams only. I don’t see what he is doing differently for a lot of sisters liking seeing him as the alpha. So I decided to put my shoes in a fujo’s head. I started reading tempus gay porn fanfic.
I did start reading just for study material, really. I just wanted to understand my potential fans. I even started writing hypothetical fanfic of my potential tempus persona and Altare, just as a creative study on a femanon mind. That was all of it, I am reading and writing gay porn to understand and control my potential audience, nothing more. If I can see the appeal of a feminine man like Altare dominating over every more masculine man than him, maybe I will crack the code.
Yet, I ended up as for now with 25 finished fanfic, mostly with Altare and me getting dicked down. Though I did write multiple harem fics where every member of tempus (including my potential persona) are Altare’s sex slave, but with me being Altare’s favorite. It’s gotten to the point where I start having wet dreams about Altare of all fucking people. I can’t even watching his streams anymore without getting at least horny. And this also ruined the other members streams as well, I can’t watch any tempues member without feelings of intense guilt of what gay porn I wrote about them. I don’t even understand how the sister deal with this guilt
I will never ever release those fanfic and they will be besides me even within my grave, I don’t want to lose my last strand of dignity. I will stop watching the boys for now until my feelings blow over. I still want to join tempus but I need to at least clean my head from this filth before I can face the boys head on
> t. a straight bro who /MANS/ turned gay, now is trying to recover
