I had been following the last NHK wallpaper thread since I was at the peak of adolescence. I remember reading it constantly to give me some hope. I was a loner, without a single friend. I was never bullied; just ignored by everyone around me. My main coping mechanisms radically shifted through this time period, from vidya, anime and manga; anything that can be considered an escape from reality. NHK was that one anime that forever changed my life. I had consumed and read so much media, yet had never been able to relate to anyone as much as all the characters in the entirety of the anime. During the period I first watched the show, I was around 12-13. I was pretty much incapable of trying in school and somehow, this show motivated me. I began working hard, not as hard as everyone else, but I became the best at nearly every subject. I thought "life will get better once I get into a good university" and that "my emptiness, loneliness and depression will just disappear". Now after getting near the top of my state in finals, I'm in university studying commerce, bored the fuck out of my mind (because it is either basic/retarded psychology, boring or too easy), realising that these problems don't just magically disappear. If anything, they get much, much worse. I'm finding motivation harder and harder than ever. I have some friends in classes, but none that I could ever truly open up to. None that I could truly rely on other than for course related content. I don't know how much longer I can keep on going being this unhappy. Maybe I need to re-watch the show again for a slight boost. Every time I try to sleep, I'm flooded with terrible thoughts, which makes loneliness even more painful. Sorry for the blog post, bros...