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I have no idé what's going on at all, everything i do is making things worse.
2 years ago i had friends, someone to talk to, someone how was there for me. But i wasn't satisfied, i was lazy and my grades were poor. I started going to the gym and focus on studying, i became more confident and my grades improved. Suddenly my friends started avoiding me for no reason, they did things without telling me and acting like nothing happened. In the end i became a loner not by choice.
Today i feel like i don't belong anywhere, it's difficult to connect to other people. School is basically a prison, but i have no choice, i want to make my parents proud, i want to live up too their expiations.
i try to life for the moment but it's impossible i cannot simply enjoy the smal things in life which makes it interesting. I constantly worry about things. Every day is the same, it feels like i'm from another dimension.
I try to workout as much as possible to get the feeling that i've accomplished something. And i spend the rest of my time panting, i don't enjoy playing video game anymore, every time i log in, i see all my friends that are online and that they are playing together. All i want i someone too love, someone that will spend their time with me, just simple playing a game or watching anime.
TL;DR - my own goal ruined my life. my life is empty, all i do is working out and watching anime.
