>>7582026Just finished my first-year of college and I have felt so utterly and devastatingly depressed throughout. I'm in business school and initially wanted to major in finance (I wanted the money to move away from my really unhappy, unhealthy family, to finally be independent and be happy) but I'm not that "finance-bro level" competitive and I'm not enjoying college one bit.
I involved myself in many clubs in school but I have little friends, the closest friend I thought I had just wanted me to be his girlfriend. I feel utterly alone and miserable. I want to transfer out but missed the period, and I have no idea what I actually want to do (I just want to draw desu). I kinda want to be Lain, just connect up to computers, semi-free from the world. I hate my country's rat race culture but I also need money to better my life.
I have a healthy diet, regular exercise routine, and have been building good habits all around - but not only am I stressed from my family situation, I'm also worrying about my future financial independence, career, friendships, happiness, my college's toxic competitive culture. I'm constantly not doing enough and I suspect I have anxiety. I also like to use my maladaptive skills to dream of a place of comfort, happiness... I love dreaming way too much
