>>7185213Since everyone else is dumping feels why not.
My entire life since I was little I really thought I would get married and have kids. As I got older though I never dated, I was just uncomfortable with intimacy, I don't know why. When I hit puberty it became more of a problem, I lucked out genetically and am pretty above average in attractiveness which prompts a lot of girls to ask me out or have crushes on me. I rejected every single one. I completely blue balled this girl at a party to the point where she cried wondering what was wrong with her, why I didn't like her, I felt like shit and just drank until I passed out on the floor.
This became a really big problem for me, my friends started wondering what was going on, high school was ending and I never even kissed a girl and that didn't make sense to them because there is nothing wrong with me. I had no answer to give them, I didn't know what was going on either, just never found "the right girl." Then I got to college, like normal get hit on by multiple girls, reject them all. On a whim I decide to stop, accept this one girl, we match up perfectly and click insanely well, too good to be true. We kiss but I feel nothing, it felt like kissing a warm noodle. Then we sleep together and I stopped her advances towards sex because I just didn't want to do it. She didn't mind. Then I woke up and while still half asleep I looked over and saw her next to me, and just got filled with this depression and anger. I almost cried, I kept wishing she was a guy, wanting desperately to for everything to be a dream and that I was in bed with a cute guy, but it was her. I will never forget when she rolled over and looked at me, in her eyes I could see how infatuated with me she was, and I just faked a smile back. It hurt like hell to do that, I felt physically sick with myself.
I don't know why it took so long for me to realize this. I want to say sorry to so many people.
