>>7609420i know its along shot, but all i want is love.
but what if i do this and i fail? i dont find the love i want so bad? make the friends i need, and fit in with a group i actually feel so comfortable with? what if im all alone again, and everyone just cant stand me, and eventually abandon me like everyone else in my life?
i want someone to stick around for once, and actaully love me for who i am. i cant stand being alone anymore. even though i fully support being able to be comfortable with your own solitude and psyche, being alone this long and devoid of love is draining and so horrifying to me. self awareness and self-realization is so important to me, but this isnt that.
I just so desperately hope this move is the new chapter in my life that finally has a good ending, and great beginning to the next chapter.
if this fails, i will finally put a bullet in my brain, the plan ive been planning since my father died. goodnight everyone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf099gm1Mz8&t=288s 