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It's been a couple weeks since this thing started, where I woke up one morning and things were just different.
I don't know which of my new daily routines it was that did the trick; I forced them into my life, pitting them against years and fucking years of abuse, unresolved anger, bitterness, depression, suicidal thoughts and finally a hospital trip due to a heart complication that appeared PURELY on emotional grounds, as things turned out.
And suddenly it's all gone. And I've been happy. Content and loving myself and so, so calm.
When I was wheeled off to that hospital I thought I'd die, and all I could think of was -Her-. I confessed my feelings just a few days prior.
She ghosted me. And I didn't feel a damn thing.
I'm untouchable now. That's how it feels, like nothing, nothing can get under my skin, not because I'm angry, bitter and defensive but because I'm so fucking happy with myself I blow these things away like the wind, with zero effort.
I accept some things. I accept that love is so hard to come by, and I probably won't have that in my life. And it's completely okay. I'm free. I'm happy.
We all deserve happiness. I hope you get yours sooner than later. Love you all.