>>7814975I am weak. Both my mind and my body. While my girlfriend toils away 7 days a week morning to evening trying to earn money to move out of her abusive home, I am wasting away another semester of university. Due to me fucking around in school, I am nearing 23 while still in my second semester of my CS degree. I wasted years getting my HS diploma and at least 1 semester in college where I did absolutely nothing. I feel pathetic, disgusted by myself but it also seems that I'm too detatched and apathetic to really care enough to change. Sometimes I don't even feel like a real person, just an automaton going through the motions. I do try sometimes. Get up early, go for a walk, work out or watch a lecture or two. But for some reason it's hard. Perhaps I never really grew up and now I have to come to terms with the reality that adult life isn't about having fun, it's about doing what you need to no matter how you might feel about it. I don't care much about my major but I also don't care about anything else. My future is a hazy fog of what-ifs and could-bes so while I rationally know that my current trajectory leads me to nowhere but self destruction, I am not scared enough to change.
