>>7860592>>7860672I don't know how many times I've seen posts just like this, I lost count.
I've seen the final written words of people I've never met so many times that I no longer worry that they went through with it.
I've seen it enough that I can't help but dismiss half of them as being troll posts, because frankly a lot of them are.
I've seen enough well-intentioned posts from well-meaning anons, telling people like OP things to encourage them to keep going. I've seen it enough and been told it enough that I have almost nothing but a bitter resentment to them. And really, what an asshole I am, right? People are trying to help someone they don't know, by saying empty things that don't give any meaning or purpose. It's fucked up, but it's true. If the first thing a stranger on the internet suggested solved your problem, it was never a problem to begin with.
I've been suicidal for nearly half my life at this point. There hasn't been a single day in the last god knows how long that I haven't thought of death. Even while I was attending therapy, even with the help of medication, even with taking steps to improve my life. And it's through this constant mental assault that's formed my view on existence.
That there's no point, not in a faggot nihilist "oh nothing matters why bother doing anything" way, but that no cosmic being has determined a purpose to mine or anyone else's life. That my life is not measured in a way that matters. That the things I see and do are the only proof I ever existed. The only way I'm to be judged is by myself and morality.
I have no purpose. I have no destiny. I am free, and I will always be free. It is the most freeing euphoria.
It's been 11 days. He's likely dead.
But there's always a point to trying, so kid, if you're still alive, think about it like this: one day, you'll die. And when that day comes it may be from suicide. But why do it so soon? Why not leave it as a last resort and see what the world has to offer first?
