>>7860672your post sounds like a meme, in that, it's extremely common. I felt the same way too once.
I feel pretty good now. Eh. Ironically, a 4chan post - that went something like this - helped me a lot.
"Feeling suicidal? Good, the world is your oyster.
Go out and punch a shark, wrestle a bear - when faced with certain death, everything is safe by comparison.
You truly have nothing to lose."
So I told myself, 2 weeks from now, if things aren't better I'll just end it then.
Then, I started doing crazy shit. I declared death of my old self, and started living only for myself. I swore to gain power, wealth, women, by any means necessary, or literally die. I didn't care anymore. I decided I'd rely on literally noone anymore, and cut everyone else off. Who gives a fuck about me, right?
I didn't care about my life, so did it matter?
I broke the law, I literally would go and hit on every single group of women in a bar - eventually got kinda good at it. I managed to get laid too. I treated women like a roguelike game. Every fresh face is a new start. It'll take forever to figure out how to even start the conversation... that's level 1. Level 2 is getting a number. Level 3 is getting her to text you back. I grinded that RPG game hundreds of times. I always hit different bars so nobody remembered me.
Shit I mean, I literally walked into a party I wasn't invited to, took some of their beer, and walked out. If someone tried to fight me, I would've fucking LAUGHED. Enjoyed it even.
I started stealing a lot... just little stuff. I was smart about it.
"any means necessary. victory or death"
I just did all kinds of shit. I eventually started hitting the gym just to wail on the bag, and then leave.
It was kinda wild, looking back. Like a dying star.
my life did get a lot better, eventually. I think that attitude that "nothing matters, so I might as well do literally whatever the fuck I want" sounded pretty great to me.
