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30yr/male
that awkward area between average and fit build. 6'5, hit my head on nearly everything, walk into spider webs a lot. Ex drug addict, im 6 or 7 years clean now still crave coke daily. damn i miss it...Diagnosed w/ PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, and Major depression & anxiety disorder. recently separated from wife, in divorce process. credit score in the toilet, $6500 in debt to credit cards, 1100$ owed to government. paying 1k/month for rent, utilities + bills add an extra 300$ to 400$ on top of that. almost no money left over to buy food...basically living off $80 per check. half that goes to smokes...(trying to quit). pills i take for disorders stopped working, consistently feel deeply empty inside, excessively angry and stressed, deeply alone, suicidal, barely sleep cuz of night terrors, flashbacks daily, panic/anxiety attacks every few hours of varying degrees and time lengths...literally triggered by anything. avoid any social interaction with anyone offline unless absolutely necessary(work food smokes), don't go to any social events, used to love them when i was younger but now i...just...can't...no friends anymore, used to be super popular. after high school most just moved far far away (to be expected) had a few best friends, 1 died of heroin OD, 1 is homeless somewhere...lost all contact with him unfortunately, 1 got married and had kids then moved far away...the most i get from him is gaming once every few months. everyone else that was left was just a backstabbing asshat so i got rid of all social media cuz no one ever initiated contact with me anyway.met love of my life 6 years ago, fucked it up hardcore. really wish i hadn't. oh well(not ex wife) relationships since this girl were, mediocre and not really worth it so i just did hook ups and fwb till i met my ex wife. not really sure what to do from here soooo....i guess ill just meld into the 4th dimension or some shit while contemplating existentialism.
