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Reading this=Waste of time.Aight, I'm a cunt, an asshole I really am. Constantly angry, don't know why, or maybe I do deep down but there's so many reasons I stopped questioning the anger and just accepted it's who I am now. I'm a loser with a loser mentality, don't wanna be alive, I don't want people near me, no wifey no kids, won't bring more to this shit show. I'm going nowhere in life and I'm okay with that. Parents however, not having it, I gotta go to university (already went once and dropped out, with a scholarship on that though, so money lost), waste 32k fucking euro on a lazy, stupid, miserable piece of shit that came out the wrong god damn hole. So to recap, a cunt, an idiot, self loathing, MAJOR anger issues, and I might just be depressed. Btw I'm ugly, I'm not getting this opinion just from me, and I have no problem with this. So, been in one relationship, lasted a few months, I broke it off because the feelings just went away. Kept having sex with the lady even though I knew she still had feelings for me because I'm a weak fuck. Recently told her I'm done with the sex(also doing nofap) just because I wanna see where this road goes. Last night we meet up it's her birthday, we meet up at my house. She makes obvious moves to hug and get close to me. I try not to make it super obvious I don't want to be that near to her because I don't want to make her sad. At some point I lay down on my bed, she lays next to me, she starts kissing me, not on my mouth, push her away tell her to stop, for her not me. Says she loves me and will never love anyone else ever again and all this other dumb fucking shit. Tell her "My plan is to do what my parents want until they die and then finally end it, stop being stupid and find someone not as retarded as me". Looks me dead in the eyes with the most serious face "If you die, then I have nothing to live for either".
Why? I don't fucking get it. All the things I've said about myself are true, she knows this. Just... pls