>>7815763No matter how hard she beat me, I couldnt stay angry at her. Through the tears I laughed at her, making her beat me harder. I feel that I sensed the sadness and despair in her and I cant blame her to this day for what she did. If turning me into a punching bag was what made her feel better about the miserable life she was living, then why not. I knew that she regretted it deeply and thought I hated her.
Thats when I took up drinking. Every adult around me was doing it, so why shouldnt I? Not like it was a problem getting booze in this eastern european shithole. My only comfort at that time was my alone time in my room, where I used to drink myself to sleep or watch anime throughout the whole night.
As puberty took its course I started to grow more self conscious about my body. The changes made me feel ashamed of myself and I tried to hide my body at all costs, especially from girls.
Due to our poor financial situation we had to take out my paternal grandmother from the retirement home and bring her to live with us so that we had access to her pension.
Anyways, middle school ended and I enrolled in a trade school. Throughout the summer vacations I used to work as a bus boy and bartender to afford booze and new clothes. Even though I didnt have much free time during summer I gained a lot of experience and confidence when talking to people. I was able to create a mask to fill that role which was required of me and bury my insecurities for the time being. Ive met interesting people which expanded my appreciation and understanding of the world. I also cut back on my drinking as I felt bad about spending money on a vice when my family was desperately trying to make it by month for month.
High school had a lot of my favourite memories, but also my worst. Grandma became fully demented, she was an old, decaying 90 year old sack of flesh with the mental capacity of a cabbage patch, rarely gaining some sort of clarity for a brief moment. Cont 2/5
