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I just want to say that I'm feeling thankful. For everything. The good, the bad, whatever.
Being able to just sit here, in my room, look at the forest through the window and write this post...
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about death. Ever since my dad got a stroke, a lot has changed in me. Seeing a once great man wither away definitely does put things into perspective.
People like to glorify death, but to me it seems cold, ugly, uncaring about whatever it is we do. It just happens whether we want to or not. Sometimes it's a bittersweet salvation, but I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to die if they could fix their lives.
However, I'd rather die instantly than lose my mind and become a burden on others. Though, who knows what's going on in dad's head, memory resetting every 10 minutes or so. I know for sure that he knows that something's not right with his head, but is the experience for him actually all that bad? He doesn't seem to experience any pain and pretty much just sleeps. It could be like a constant nightmare where you can't remember anything, but it also very well may be that the brain is not letting him understand what he actually lacks and so he just experiences things.
Anyways, if you're reading this rambling so far, sorry.