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Been unemployed for six months, after being employed for six months at a job that was so unfulfilling, brain-dead, and draining that every time I entered the subway station, I would make myself stand on the steps to avoid looking at the tracks. It made money, but made me want to die. I am more comfortable not having money than I ever was at that job. I can't bring myself to do something like that again, so I've been unemployed for this long. I know it has to change in the new year. I need the money in order to fund, well, everything. But I'm still so goddamned scared of ending up back where I was mentally. I'm not scared for my long-term future, I know I won't be stuck forever, but if less than two months was all it took to break me down that far, I don't know how much longer I can hold on if that's where I'll be again.
