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Not sure if I can even reply on the level I am attempting to, but I will give it shot
>I don't use social media whatsoever
Neither do I. By choice. Don't worry about that
>no motivation for anything, mostly because of severe depression
Been there.
>crippling sense of alienation
Currently fighting this
>long bouts of escapism and receding into a fantasy world instead of making connections in the real one
I have wasted an entire semester in college doing this (for me it was videogames). You can recover, but I had to commit to never do so again once I realized how much time it took out of my life. Not as hard to stay away as I thought it would be, and it actually seemed to get easier with time. I actually don't feel the same way about gaming anymore.
>craving and desiring and desperately needing that human affection and intimacy, but never being able to receive it because that self-loathing, utter self-hatred and that crippling fear
That's strange! I actually had an experience recently where I actually felt afraid of being alone (previously I have always embraced isolation). It seems now that I face something similar, although mine stems from some self-hating and fear of hurting people (I've had some...violent behaviors in the past).
>never ever thinking you'll be good enough, no matter what you do
Left this one for last, because it is something I am still trying to accept. Remember that it doesn't matter how other people judge you (most of the time they are focused on themselves anyway), but it is what YOU think about youself. As long as you recognize your own effort, that your holding on, trying to become better, that's all that matters.
I can't relate to the touch thing, but from what I read, their are ways to get better. I do not know if you suffer from thoughts that don't leave (like me), but it is a matter of perspective. You can do this!
