>>6580456university/college decisions start to come up (this is like november ish because of early admissions being a thing)
everybody already talking about how the grade will be splitting ways, get kind of sad but realize that it's a normal part of life and i'm just being a pussy basically
motivational speaker comes in (a very straight forward guy, similar to Gary Vaynerchuk if you've ever heard of him)
i'm motivated to quit gaming cold turkey, proceed to make my life more intentional
drop romance for the most part and start pursuing things that i actually care about like music
however, i struggle immensely as i overestimate my self control, and end up playing video games again. start to feel loneliness again in spite of talking to people all the time. I begin to wonder what part of the formula isn't working.
fast forward to recent two weeks. i quit gaming cold turkey again. I've focused mostly on guitar and music recently, i've performed and I've been talking to girls again, perhaps finding genuine love this time. I'm still at a crossroads between who I really, "love" though. I harbour feelings for tedx girl, the girl from the walk, a girl i've performed with recently in a duet, a girl who i personally admire, and a girl who's extraordinarily humble and just lovable overall, but i feel like all of these little attractions are superficial.
however, I still have lapses of loneliness, in which I feel the closest that I've consciously felt to depressed, although I feel like I'm really just making excuses.
this concludes my story, I guess. I've lost my original purpose and this just ended up being self therapy. if you have any questions i'm down
photo was taken by me on my house's driveway, sitting and staring at the lunar eclipse or whatever-it-was earlier in the year for an hour or so before coming in for dinner and sleeping, waking up to another day in the beautiful life i take for granted
also any advice for my loneliness?
