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man, the amount of times when i was a teen after spending the entire night snorting coke or doing amphetamine (i was a skinny 16 year old boy, around 120 lbs at 5 8,
used to go through a gram to 2 grams of coke in a night, or 200 mg of adderall, or around a couple of grams of speed paste if thats what i had) really made
me suicidal by how often i would go on these "stay awake for days" type of shit (let alone laying bed feeling a racing heart that wouldnt let me sleep at 6
in the morning with voices in my head (not schizophrenic, usually hear voices from 40+ hours no sleep while under the influence of a stimulant comedown + weed + malnutrition, never heard voices well rested) for
hours on end thinking if i should hang myself with a belt). I've never tried to commit suicide so i guess i'm just a giant pussy that subconsciously acts depressed to get empathy and attention from others. *tips fedora
eating a stable diet and sleep schedule really seems to help (multivitamins and fish oil help a lot too).
sorry for the same shit you've probably heard many times before but its better in my opinion then being told "you should see someone or get help"
my situation is no where close to what you probably have going, but just know that there is hope. you would have never existed if your ancestors ended up killing themselves because they were depressed too.
it seems very unlikely that you have to be the generation of your family that ends it all .*tips fedora not saying you don't have depression, its just there is a way to make yourself content. try and find something to be
interested in. I myself try to make money from the stock market (Graham's Intelligent Investor is a great book, must read.) while learning math on the side in case it doesn't work out, so i have something for colleges to see me as.
They booth help me get my mind off of things. I'm still in highschool so i can't really complain about my life because i'm really just a privileged cunt.
