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I can't seem to find purpose in my life.
Society only values things I do not care about.
I went to school only because I was obligated to do so.
I have had some interests, but they resulted in me being obsessed by them for a few weeks until I got bored of them.
In desperation, I joined the army, which, well, it's outdoors and extremely physical, so I quite enjoyed it, but I never had that burning movie-like motivation which the other squad members shared. And I ended up having to drop out due to injury.
Now I am planning on joining the police force. Though I am not a born policeman (never thought about joining before now), I will be happy if I can at least enjoy the physical aspect of it, as I did in the army.
If that doesn't work out, I'm thinking about working as a volunteer for some international charity, where you live with them day in day out and help people at no cost. Perhaps there I will be able to find solace in the fact that I am helping others.
It's just weird that so many people around me do find purpose. Why is there not that one thing for me? Why don't I have a desire to be a fucking world champion juggler or something? I mean I'd take that over this.
And it's not due to depression. I surely wasn't depressed in my childhood and I don't think I am now. I have always felt this way, just doing things because that's what society expects of you, though I did not care for them.
I used to deal with this by thinking I was some special person. That I was smart or whatever, just anything that would allow me to take pride in myself. But, really what do you call someone who lives for nothing? A loser is the only word I can think of, it really doesn't matter what capabilities you have, or think you have.
Maybe I just need to find a soulmate or something.