>>7445650>>7445651Somewhat recently out of college about a year now (after already having needing to take a fifth year) and I experienced and still experience much the same things, but the reasons for their manifestation may be different. I hate any obligations, I loathe the thought of interacting with others, I generally keep to myself the vast majority of the time. Yet when I really think back on to the most memorable times I had during and after college it was those very obligations that stand out most vividly. For me it was finding club that was was more or less a nerd club. I decided randomly one day to go to one of the weekly meetings and on that very first meeting and just kind of sat around until someone approached me asking about my shirt which had a logo of a thing we were both into and the rest was history.
I now have through that club a very nice set of close friends that I began to go to various events and whatnot ritualistically each year that I'd never consider by myself yet have always been the highlights of the past years. I often stop and think to ask myself how I ended up in such a situation given my generally standoffish nature and if I really deserved such good friends and wonder why they even bother with me at all.
Yes, a lot of people are downright awful, that's the nature of the beast. But really thinking about it I come off as no different, but despite my outwardly surly exterior I generally consider myself a much more forgiving and reasonable individual than most. It's simply a matter of being around those who are willing to see past such first impressions, and why I do so often in return to others. They'll overlook any of the superficial things that don't matter. Ultimately, it's just a matter of creating your own luck. My experience may not be exactly yours (and other anons in the thread expressing the same sentiments), but I hope it might shed some light on the contradictory feelings you have and how to start reconciling them.
