Quoted By:
I'll bite. I've been a lurker on this board for years, I've only ever contributed or posted once or twice. I don't use social media whatsoever, and I don't really... interact with society at all. I have no motivation for anything, mostly because of severe depression, but I also have a crippling sense of alienation. I have a fairly rare personality disorder, called AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), and it sucks because unlike mental illness, I know it'll never go away or have a lapse or be helped. I'm stuck this way forever.
Part of what's involved is being averse to touch sensation (in my case I'm EXTREMELY averse, it's not at all pleasant when I come into physical contact with people), never ever thinking you'll be good enough, no matter what you do, long bouts of escapism and receding into a fantasy world instead of making connections in the real one, etc. etc.
It also makes you prone to disappearing. I've disappeared from people's lives because of fear of intimacy, fear of touch, fear of human interaction... What sucks is that a huge part of the disorder is craving and desiring and desperately needing that human affection and intimacy, but never being able to receive it because that self-loathing, utter self-hatred and that crippling fear and those awful sensations of physical touch will never go away.
