>>7025952After hours of thinking about it I realised where I went wrong.
I used to think I was the protagonist of some kind of story. I thought that if I put my life on hold and paused it, everyone would wait for me; the world would stop and wait.
Recently after a year or so of this I decided to click resume. Nothings left. There are a few people who did stay in my life but 99% are gone. At first I felt betrayed as if they left me in my hour of need. They didnt at all, I kept my mouth shut, didnt open up and they just left in the silence. nearly 2 decades of building a life together, in the space of one year, one stupid mistake. I have lost most of it. There are people who I love so much who I wont get to speak to again. Once you drift so far from them, you cant pull them back. I'm trying to do that with the ones close by though. I'm trying to make better and stronger foundations for a new life, I have shit going on as well so its a war on two fronts but I'm trying.
