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I'm trying to study for a genetics final happening on Monday. This is my 2nd semester taking the class since I failed the first time and if I fail again, I get kicked out of my biology major with a very slim chance of being reinstated. I haven't gotten any good grades on any of the midterms this semester but I have to get at least an 86/100 on the final to pass the class so I'm already feeling a lot of pressure since I'm not a studious person. What scares me the most is what would happen if I did fail. I'm dependent on my conservative parents in terms of finance and general support; I wouldn't know how to break the news to them, the ones who've given up so much for me, that I've suffered this major setback and will have to put in more time and money for education. They've done nothing to deserve that burden.
I'm turning 21 this year and I already dislike school; having this thing happen would make me feel stuck and even farther from being an actual adult, which I should be. There's nothing of any real importance that I'm doing on the side that would warrant my failures in school, on top of the fact that I have very few friends to socialize with and am not the most attractive person. The friends that I do have aren't scholars but they're progressing; working part time jobs that I can't even get emails or callbacks for due to my lack of work experience and continually moving forward with their majors because they're actually interested in the learning material. I keep regretting my decision to go into the sciences but if it weren't this field, I would have no idea what else to major in. I thought the biology major would be manageable because my memory wasn't so bad in high school but of course, that didn't pan out the way I'd hoped.
For a while I thought I had it in me to do better in this stuff but now I'm starting to believe that I'm just not that good at anything that matters and will constantly disappoint my family and myself. Thank you for reading this
