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OP, i know the place where you are, i was there a few months ago. What i can tell you is that, no matter how dark it seems to be rn or how it seems like taking forever to see the light again, you WILL see it again. You won't feel like this forever, i can surely tell you this. I know how life can seem like a bigger burden than we can carry sometimes (all the time), but i promise you can go through it and find joy again. Please, search for help (my meds helped me a lot). There are people who love you and care about you, and i care about you too <3
If you're going through hell
Just. Keep. Going.
Love, from Brazil.
