>>6562118You're right. It is a matter of perspective. But perspective is kind of a big issue for me.
I have multiple issues present as well, the personality disorder is just one thing stemming from the it. I've been acquainted with other people with personality disorders; I knew a girl with ASPD and I've known and couple with BPD. It's a constant struggle, because it's not just a chemical flaw that can be treated, it's how you're fundamentally hardwired.
When I get close to people, physically or emotionally, it starts to feel like this dark cloud of static is swimming over my skin and pouring into my brain. I don't really know how to describe it better than that, since it's a pretty weird emotional and physical experience, but it feels like some kind of choking, inescapable smog. It's pretty fucked up. Sometimes I need to take breaks from petting my service dog because even the strong bond I can have with a critter that's not a person can startle me. My psych tells me its not normal per se, but it's definitely a thing that people with AvPD experience especially after suffering prolonged abuse etcetc...
That other aspect, knowing I'll never be good enough; it's just a fact. People on the Axis II are considered "maladjusted members of society". Mental illnesses like anxiety and depression fall on Axis I, and are widely considered to be illnesses that can be treated, but some psychs have started classifying Axis II not as a personality issue, but as overall adaptation disorders. Medical texts and medical specialists don't have many nice things to say about Axis II.
Sorry if I seem too complain-y... I don't get many chances to vent. And I've accepted my lot in life at this point. I read a lot, and books make me feel a little closer to human society, and just a tad more real. I see too many people struggling to support a depressed partner; someone like me would be too unfair a burden.
Pape semi-related; I love Phillip K. Dick.
