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Not really a wallpaper I guess.. anyways
I'm probably -this- close to just doing something drastic like killing myself, ghosting everyone, or something.. no public shootings or anything though. Easier and safer to KMS than that whole shit. This whole situation that I'm in is just all a product of my design and choices but I don't want to do it any more. My mind literally will not shut up, be it ruminating on these choices or just songs that won't shut off.
I ruined 99% percent of my friendships by helping my ex-best friends wife move out (who shortly after divorces him), divorcing my leech of a wife, and hanging out with the ex-friends wife all over the course of 4 months. The ex-friend and I shared a mutual friend group through hobbies so he turned them all against me. Which I get by the way, I was the perpetrator of the whole thing.. However he conveniently didn't tell them about his cheating during his engagement, the manipulation, or her several suicide attempts because of him. The one friend that does still talk to me probably only does so because his wife and ex-friends wife have known each other for almost two decades and they've tried to stay neutral in all this, even after I've told the guy to go pick ex-friend over me because it was the right thing to do. He refused but even today we rarely hang out (it doesn't help that he works 3rd shift travel nurse hours and has 2 kids him self). I had a breakdown recently and messaged him about the whole thing again and he called and said that he's been a shitty friend, but he's just been busy with work and I told him that I understand and I was being selfish to want somebody to hang out with.
It's been almost, what 5 years now since the beginning of that last paragraph and sometimes it's all I can think about. Hell, ex-friends wife and I are engaged and have a kid whose almost 2. The kid straight ignores me most of the time unless moms not around (as kids are want to do I guess), doesn't really say much beyond
