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The last time I saw one of these threads, I talked about how I ruined my relationship with the love of my life over a misunderstanding.
She's since said that I shouldn't blame myself, that she thinks what I did wasn't bad enough to be beating myself up like this. She's just tired of getting hurt, and said she'll probably never have enough relationship again.
We were hanging out one night drinking. She ended up crying when we got home, and her mom comforted me, saying that things could be healed with time.
I can't get a grip on myself. I went to vegas on a whim. I hooked up with our mutual friend just because, and I've considered messaging the girl she thought I was getting too close with to do the same. I'm dropping shifts left and right at work and it feels like I'm just waiting for someone to say the wrong thing so I can just walk out and never go back. I know I'm doing stupid ass shit but I seriously can't get myself to care anymore. I don't feel anything when doing anything, and I feel nothing when doing nothing.
I started therapy a month ago and she immediately told me to go on medication, but the earliest I can see anyone about it is the 30th.
Every time I see anything related to her my entire body hurts, and anytime I try to avoid it I become aware of it and it hurts all the same. It's the only feeling I have left besides leftover love for her
