>>7929629I have intense psychosis randomly every week or so. I can't tell when it will take me, but it always does. I leak out emotions from every part of me, my depression seeping into the people around me, I grasp at whatever control I have. Self help guides, masturbation, lovers, video games, music, anything everything. I can't stop seconding guessing every thought I have, every inch I take in the form of actions comes crashing down on my emotional spine like some wrathful god. I scream in pain, my trauma burning everything around me. I am born an abuser, I take the form of that abuser.
As if some god wished to torment me endlessly, it does the same thing it has always done. Lifts the pain right out of me, freeing me from the insanity that raped my internals. When I open my eyes all I see is battered ruins, and a fuck ton of hurt people.
I want to isolate, never reaching out in fear of watching my hand slash that which holds and cares for me on a regular basis.
I cannot reach out to mental health care, when I can't even speak the language properly. And those online wish not to take those who wish for death, I am stuck.
