>>6290417>contAnyways, I've been running a weird schedule with work for the last few months and dating has been near impossible.. I discovered strip clubs. I don't 'look the part' but it's a really slippery slope. It's a place where someone like me can essentially pay to get away with being as shy as I am, the girls get outrageously flirty and I LOVE it. I unfortunately made the mistake of thinking I was special to a girl recently. I was only home from work for a week and a close female friend wanted to meet up (she's bi and so she took me to a strip club). I had sworn these places off for months and months after already falling for one girl. I should have known better, after she dragged me in there it didn't take long for me to spot her.
It's a far cry from 'true love' but that's subjective. What I do know is that We sat in private in a back room and i just kind of let myself go. I have never felt that good in my entire life. Not on a sexual level at all but just the combination of her looks, the attention, and me letting myself just pretend I knew her differently. After leaving the place with my friend I wound up having a panic attack in the car and confessing how hard I just instantly fell for this girl.
I have some sort of pseudo-ptsd involving physical touch and specifically affection. On the one hand it feels incredible when it's from a romantic interest (like the girl I had just been with) on the other hand it's like sensory overload and the second I get away from whoever that person is I have trouble breathing and there's this delayed reaction with tears and choking and it just gets ugly. I need to see someone about it all but I am scared and shy to do that too.
