>>6682369A few weeks before this semester started, I got back in touch with her. I wanted closure. I asked her what she thought and felt at that time. She told me she was too immature. I tried like an idiot to see if she would want to give it one last go. She kept trying to passively let me down. I stopped after the first time she didn't respond back. It stung but I got my closure, that she didn't really care. Because to me, realistically if she cared enough, or at all for that matter, she would have wanted to try again.
Since then I've had a real hard time with my self worth. I know I'm an attractive guy. I know I have desirable prospects, but I feel like circumstance and fate has fucked me for at least the current time, and untellable future.
Women show interest in me. But they are always boring to me. They have no substance to their personality. "Surely, most women aren't this boring." I thought. But I think for right now in college, all I'm going to find are boring women. At least, they're the only ones who decide to flock to me, the ones who party and drink. It feels like there's no women at my campus that are right for me.
The idea that I'll never have those feelings for another girl again scares the shit out of me and makes me sick to my stomach. She's the only girl in my whole life that I've felt even a remote crush on. One girl in my whole twenty years. And for fuck's sake she didn't even really care about me. She just didn't want to tell me to my face to just fuck off.
I know I'm just being a pussy, but god damn it guys I'm just really scared about being alone. Not even right now, but I don't think within the next five years I'll even find someone like her again. I want someone to look at me like she did, with that stupid look in her eye like we were all that mattered.
I just really want to hold Hannah in my arms again. Fuck.