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tldr; I'm killing myself in 2 days
dont know why but I lost the ability to feel love, joy, sadness, anxiety, and fear, and when I do manage to muster a feeling- I dont, its like my body reacts but the emotion is in another room, I try my damnest to cry but the pressure just builds at the base of my skull and no tears come, I can drink 1.5L of energy drink at once and not get nervous, I can laugh but my brain doesnt feel that little high afterwards, as if I didnt laugh at all, I can look at those I have loved dearly for nearly a decade, and feel absolutely nothing
all I have left is a happy general mood nearly every morning, anger which I heard travels different pathways in the body, and a neutral indecisive mood that comes at night, not empty inside, and different to boredom, yet still uncomfortable in an inexplicable way, like its a physical presence in the center of my brain, preventing me from feeling things like I have my whole life up until almost 2 months ago now
it came suddenly with a host of physical issues too which made me think it was a mini stroke or someshit, was told bloodwork looked normal and to wait for symptoms to clear on their own, so I waited, but some didnt clear, and its got to the point where I no longer want help, no longer wish to return to working a shit job just to go home and laugh at memes and pretend its enough
