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Dated the first love of my life for about a year. She was the one who fell in love with me first, she found my snapchat username from a mutual friend and started messaging me, she told me "I love you" first, she initiated almost all of it, only to take it away. Distance, even though under 100 miles, drove us apart. Once school started last year she would want to hang out with her new friends more than me (at first, awesome! she had anxiety issues and had trouble making friends) but that was alright. Until it kept happening, over and over, for three months. She wanted to wait until Winter Break to tell me but I demanded she message me over text. I fought for her to stay with me but it couldn't. We met in person just before Finals and I tried to pretend it would work out. At the end of the night, the dam broke loose and we knew. But all I wanted in those three months of isolation from the one person who is supposed to love me, was some harmless cuddling. Just to feel safe, warm, loved, wholesome, noticed enough by another human being. I've wanted that feeling ever since last year's beginning to school. Every night is the same whine as I shut my eyes. She still holds too much power over my heart and mind and sometimes I accidentally indulge in the ideas of her and what we were/could have been. Oi. If you read this, thank you for reading another iteration of another chest burst, sincerely (and as a reward, take this OC picture of my house. Take care).
