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If i go back a handful of years, maybe 4-5 years, I was a piece of shit. Seriously depressed, really angst-y and angry, etc. I would drink a lot and smoke too. I got all into the "sculpting yourself" fashwave shit, but that didn't really help just made me angrier. what really helped me start to piece everything together was buying a dog. Just a little guy, got him from the pound, an absolutely retarded mutt, but I was kinda forced to love her. And I started to become a little better because of that? its hard to motive to do things out of love for yourself, but for some reason easy to do it for others. Now I have a full time Job, will finish Uni by next spring, and have a very loving girlfriend i hope to marry some day. Just start small, find love in small things and from there you will have the ability to build yourself up.