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I left my city, my home, for another country. While it's only for school I could end up gone for even longer if a landed a job. With how few jobs there are in my field I would take it but the thought of being gone from my home, the thought of having another home, a new home frightens me.
I'm not living in a city now. I never thought it would bother me but I suppose just has some people 'belong' in the countryside or small town I am a child of the urban world. I am now worried that what I need ( a major city) and what my career (hopefully) can afford do not align. I feel everything has been thrown up and there is no longer even the slight semblance of certainty I had before.
Really... I feel like a pompous dick for the thoughts I have occasionally. I know it stems from myself grasping at straws for an identity and finally, having left home I realize my Identity was my city above country or some idea of nationality or heritage. I find myself thinking how miserable and shit anything outside of a major city like San Francisco is. I find myself making fun of how my current town shuts down on the weekends, the lack of different food. Somehow, the pretentious California became or has always been a part of me, I just never knew it
I can respect this type of small English city life is what some want, but I can't handle it.
