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Honestly dude, I feel myself starting to decline more and more each day.
I was in such an amazing relationship for 5 years. Once I began my career in the fire department, she showed she didn't want to be involved with me anymore. After a while, she left me. I started my job and I was so happy to finally be working in the field I love. I'm so happy when I'm at work, but when it's just me, I can't stand being awake.
I've been in a few relationships since then. Some were casual, some could have been serious. Aside from one who was cheating the whole time, I ended each one because I just feel too hollow, and soulless to be in them. I've met great women who are amazing in so many ways, but that doesn't keep me. None of them are her. It's been almost a year and a half.
I can't be fucked to do what I enjoy outside of work anymore. I've stopped going to the gym. Stopped building my jeep projects. Stopped playing music. Games are all I really have the physical and mental energy for, and I'll just play the same game all day, but in 30-60 hour increments, and when I get bored of it I'll mindlessly scroll through my phone until I get bored of that and go back to playing Tarkov.
I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this shit. I don't have the mental energy to continue doing this