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sorry to vent for a bit
i was diagnosed with depression when i was 9. i cannot recall any happy times from then until not too long ago. a girl came into my life, and quickly picked me up and turned me completely around. it was that type of love you read in the books, you see in the movies, you watch in anime, you long for in the middle of the night. i was finally happy.
i did everything for her. took her out everywhere, spent all my time when her when she was feeling low, and she did the same for me. i thought this could go somewhere special, it felt like my life was completely reinvented. she didn't care about my issues holding me back, she loved me for me, and i loved her for her too.
but one day something just changed in her. she never gave me a reason why, she just said she didn't want it anymore. it felt like a huge part of me completely died. i panicked at the idea of becoming what i was again.
and i really feel like i would've been okay in hindsight, but she just kept messing with my head and manipulating and using me. she kept kissing me, she kept fucking me, she kept holding my hand as we walked down a park path at 2 in the morning. but she wasn't with me.
the second someone else came around, there she went. i just hope she doesn't break apart him like she did to me.
but i still talk to her. she was the only happiness i ever knew, i just can't bring myself to let her go, even if it's absolutely killing me.
i hope everything turns out okay with you OP, and any one else in a similar situation on that note.
i also hope someone can find appreciation in my picture. i took it a while back at lake michigan. i went to that spot to jump off the steep hill and fall into the water, but something told me not to.
