Quoted By:
I am about to graduate highschool. I hate it.
Two years ago I moved to where I am now, in south america, I moved from central america where I was having the most healthy period in my life, with the best friends I had ever had in my life, where I went from a socially retarded morbidly obese traumatized child, to a normal weighed happy teen with good social skills.
Anyways I moved from there, to where I am now, and I ended up in a school completely in Spanish,a language I didn't speak. I was still optimistic of course, I felt I could make friends, as I have a history of moving, my parents usually never living in a place longer than 3 years.
Then covid hit. I can not write how much that killed me. as much as I loved where I had lived, there where still parts of it I hated, and me and my family had hyped up where I live now as to be the solution to all those problems. Then we where locked into our house or a year.
I can not overstate how fucked I have become since moving here. I can barely go outside and talk to people for longer than a few minutes. My family has a history of schizophrenia and I noticed my mental state becoming so similar to my family members who have it. I have developed so many sick fucking fetishes it makes me want to kill myself.
But you know what the worst part is? Its friendship. I have no friends here, and every day I can feel myself drifting more and more from my friends from before, and I try so hard not to, but I can see it happening so clearly, and I am deathly afraid of being alone again.
I tell my parents I don't hate them for moving here. That's a lie of course, I know its cliche, but I truly, truly hate them for it. I know it was out of their control, but I blame them for this.
I think I might kill myself if I don't get into university, as I feel I am already a failure as it is. at the very least, grades are fucking great, at least I feel, especially since I didn't speak the language and have been in 2 years of online class.
