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Never opened up online really, but I'm in a pretty pivotal point in my life so here goes.
Found porn on my mom's laptop of her and random dudes online just after she divorced my dad and was already married to another guy when I was 7, and that info was used to win my father custody in court. Been exposed to porn since I was about 5 using Kazaa and had an addiction horribly until about 2 years ago.
Im 24 now. Had perfect grades through highschool but after hs was when my mood started dropping. Smoked all the time and didnt give a fuck about school and lost my financial aid. Lowest point in my life up to that point. Have a habit of trying to dramatically change my life when things get that bad so after a few career changes over the years post highschool hoping things would change with it, I said fuck it and enlisted in the air force. Couldn't get more change than that, right?
That was 2.5 years ago. This whole time my dick has refused to get up for women thanks in part to the porn addiction I carried up until I joined, coupled with issues with family like the aforementioned among others that I memory-holed until I uncovered it again recently while talking to a therapist. My friends are growing distant due to, well, distance and I have no true friends here. Im stationed overseas in an english speaking country so I should be more thankful for the opportunity but I hate it at this point. I havent traveled anywhere outside this country yet and I have 5 months before I change station to georgia for a combat comm outfit thatll be much more intense than my sedentary position here, but Im dreading it. I cant travel because I feel like shit when I go out and am now in my most depressed state Ive ever been in.
