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I miss her.
It' been seven months today and I still miss her like the first day.
Went to psychoterapy, now they give me these pills to feel good, but the sorrow is still there and it festers.
She used to abuse me emotionally, sometimes she would hit me, but I gave everything to her. Even when mom died I found the will to change city, change college and change life only to be beside her, and she left me. I miss our dog too, she was the best dog ever and the most intelligent canine I've ever had.
I feel ugly, stupid, useless, and I'm slowly becoming more and more what I feel I am. I fear of not being able to love someone that isn't her anymore, can't even bring myself to think a girl is beautiful without seeing her face, can't even think about someone without comparing everyone to her. At night I dream of her screaming at me that I'm a failure with the voice of my mom, I don't know how much I'll endure this.
I feel the rope calling for me everyday. I also know it's Stockholm syndrome but I don't know how to make steps forward.
So I think I'm holding up like literal shit.