Quoted By:
this will probably be met with negativity because 4chan but i don't have anywhere else to talk about it (everyone in my life thinks i'm biological male). i recently began hormonal therapy (testosterone, i'm a transsexual male) and the changes so far have been really amazing for me. for the first time in years i feel like there might be some hope for me.
but it's at the same time so terrifying. i spent years thinking life was pointless, there's no hope for a freak like me, i'll never even be able to transition etc, constantly thinking about killing myself (was preparing to finally do so just a couple weeks before i managed to finally get my prescription for testosterone, which came as a surprise to me).
i thought i wouldn't have a future, so now that i'm beginning to see i might have a future after all, i find myself overwhelmed and terrified at the prospect of it. i spent my teenage years too depressed to leave my house, no friends, no confidence- that's all i know life to be so far i guess. i'm still young (19) but i still feel like a child compared to my peers because i had no room to grow. and now i'm wondering what the hell i do, now the depression is diminishing and i can see a chance of me having a future. i never prepared to be alive for this long and now i worry i'll waste it.