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I ruined my self esteem and who I thought I was, I can't blame anyone and I won't accept what happened and its tearing me apart and hurting myself and people around me. I got pretty close with a guy who I have considered a good friend now for 2 years or so, our general small group of friends was pretty good, but this guy and I were pretty fuckin close friends. Over the last like 3 or 4 months I have like arguably fucking developed like feelings for this guy, like man I thought I was fucking straight I dunno what the fuck happened, never have considered anything like this, I can't tell him this shit, I can't say shit to anyone I don't know if I can or if I even could. Its just had me really fucked up for a month or so now, I don't know who or what I am... This shit has me pushing everyone away, I don't want to but I can't stop myself, kinda sucks, might go to a therapist or someshit. Guess im gay now or something.