Quoted By:
I pissed away my first year of university because I was stupid and irresponsible. Here I am again in my second year, afraid I'll make the same mistakes.
I'm afraid to continue and realize I've just wasted my life and my money; what if it turns out I don't like my major? I'm afraid to back out and disappoint my family and myself; was me passing with flying colors in advanced HS classes a fluke -- pure, dumb luck? I'm afraid that not continuing to play football in college for scholarship money was a huge mistake, and that I have let down the expectations of everyone around me, including myself. I'm afraid that I won't have friends by the end of uni, because I'm a socially inept retard due to lockdown and only having friends over the internet. I'm afraid I won't be the man I aspire to be.
Even more than all that, I'm afraid that I've sunk so low that I spill my guts on a papes thread. I can't vent my anxieties to anyone because I don't want to seem too weak and unstable. I fear my obstacles because I fear I haven't prepared myself enough for life, but I don't want to worry people with my issues. Besides, any concern seems two-faced and superficial.
I feel foolish, to have to stop myself from rambling on about "poor me, pity me." To think I might be unconsciously fishing for sympathy sickens me, but I'm afraid of what I'll do if I keep it bottled up too long, like a sinking ship approaching crush depth as it gazes into the dark, foreboding abyss. I feel foolish for waxing poetically about my issues -- maybe I should've been a writer lol
That being said, I can at least be proud that I've endured so far. Whether due to being a stubborn, headstrong fool, or having a heart strong enough to stomach the realities of living as me. For you anons out there who share these closeted insecurities not so far from my own, take what cold comfort you can in knowing you're not alone, and that I haven't given up just yet.
