>>7193111Guess i'm not the typical NEET (went straight from school into working process and never been unemployed), but was a stoner for couple years. I did not fit into that community either, so fortunately haven't built social circle which would encourage the habit. Haven't touch the weed for over 3 years now.
Also failed on uni (more than once), so the pushing might be some sort of compensation for that. It brings me question how much of an idiot I can be, when pretty much all of my colleagues were able to make it. What do I lack and where did I screwed up?
I don't really need to be "on top" as the friend you mentioned. Floating slightly above average would be sufficient, but it feels like I'm failing even on the average level.
>You answered it yourself. You're afraid to see what would happen. Why did you even bother continuously pushing yourself this far?I honestly don't know. I believe that the part I'm suppressing contains most of my bad habits, behavior, etc.. Maybe coupled with fear of doing mistakes, being more human, disappointing people i care about.
Thank you for discussing this. I really appreciate somebody else's external point of view, because I'm failing to distinguish between facts, feelings and "the common bullshit one tells himself just to move forward".
