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I have everything I want and need. I have no idea how to achieve the next level of fulfillment and I don't think I'm going to find it.
My life until this point has been a whirlwind of trail and error where I constantly burn bridges, abuse my positions to get where I want to go, and I impulsively cut away parts of my life that other people would die for.
I haven't found anything I like in the world and I'm incredibly bored.
I'm going to keep trying, it'll be hard, but I think it will be worth it.