>>7802707Basically everyone I've come into contact with my entire life treats my existence with either apathy, hostility, a mixture of both, or a sort of fake-pity "caring" for me. I know that feel of nobody wanting you, but one of the things so far that I have come across is that the only reliable source of happiness is achievement for me. Achievement can mean losing weight, making a project, learning something new, etc. No one person can take away the fact that I've lost weight or built something with programming or blacksmithing or whatever hobby you have.
Basically every other source of so-called 'happiness' that other people have tried to spoon-feed me has not worked out. People often complain about "tfw no XYZ gf" or "tfw you don't hang out with the boys as often" but I truly have never experienced any of these things because no one really wanted me as a part of this in the first place. The truth is, all of these things are big sharts in the wind.
To reduce the pain is to simply grow out of the place you are at right now, letting go of the diluted formulas of happiness and purpose that society tries to spoon-feed you. Ask not how to reduce the pain, but how to grow out of the things causing this in the first place. Without pulling the weed from the root, it will simply grow back and you will tell another lie to yourself that "everything I try ends in failure" despite trying less than 5 times.
Why is it that you feel the need to be wanted by others? Do you want yourself? What things are causing this pain that you need to let go of? What do you truly have to lose if you go out into the world to experience life to the fullest? What am you afraid of admitting to yourself? What terrifying possibilities lie in wait on the other side of my own roadblocks and fabricated constructs? What do you truly have to fear by letting go?
