>post walls of hope and change, i need to let some emotions fly. please.
These days I am mindless. Constantly beating myself up for making decisions in the past that I should not have made. Abusing drugs for 4 years, using prostitutes, ruining relationships with friends and potential girlfriends. Then burning the bridges behind me. Acting like there was never a problem to begin with. Being an idiot.

Well today is January 16th, 2015. The demons have caught up to me. I have been a loner for the majority of my life. I do not try to distance myself from people, it is just the way I was born. I should not feel bad about this because genetics does not give me much of an option.

I have no one to talk to. Nobody thinks I have any problems, that I am some sort of unbreakable wall. That couldnt be farther from the truth. . . I feel deeply, and I hurt deeply. And I have no one to blame but myself. How I have managed to do good in school these past 4 years is honestly beyond me(advantage of being a loner). Somethings in life are easy for me, while I severely struggle with other parts of life.

But today I want to change. I flushed my weed down the toilet and cried to let some emotion out. I hope one day I can find some peace because I dont know who I am anymore.

I firmly believe that people get what they deserve, whether that may be a good or bad thing depends on what you are doing.